Departure in the Night

I thought I would put up something slightly different up for a change. Here is something a friend of mine wrote. He would really like some honest feedback. Let me know what you think.

A looming resonance thickens as the wooden hands meet, as if pressing the colder frost, like tiny spiders webs on the not so familiar glass. Twelve chimes mark the opening of a door and a departure in the night. For Beyond the sight of the soft candle light where imp shadows play with the imagined un-night, lays deeper murks with a thousand eyes.

A cloak of dark dressed those macabre creatures; those that hide in travelers peripheries, in the echoes of their footsteps upon the damp stone sidewalks, and most of all in the street lamps that fail with solitary proximity. The imaginary tendrils of night lurking somewhere unseen. Instinct and reason deviate as the rhythmic footsteps hasten. Not until sanctuary of a familiar door and behind it the hearth, do my invented watchers withdraw.

Mykh Wulves





14 thoughts on “Departure in the Night

Add yours

  1. “lays deeper murks with a thousand eyes.” I particularly liked this line. This has a very ethereal feel. I like it very much. i could imagine this being part of a prologue for a really great book—almost has a Poe feeling.

  2. I like it. The well-placed adjectives in particular help establish the mood. Especially in the opening sentence of the second paragraph.

  3. I enjoy writing that launches my imagination off the page. For me, the ignition point came here: “hiding…in the echoes of their footsteps” and lift-off here: “my invented watchers withdraw.” My reaction: “Don’t be fooled! You’re not safe!” and “More, please.”

  4. Hi. The other comments are spot on. It certainly is very poetic (blank verse) in structure and very atmospheric … you could almost cut the tension with a knife (dripping blood)!! I particularly like the idea of the wooden hands meeting to signify midnight. That’s good imagery methinks. By the way … just being nosey … was this written by your good self … Night & Day??
    All the very best.

    1. Thank you for the feedback! You have a wonderful way with words yourself.
      No unfortunately it was not written by me. I enjoy writing but I don’t think it comes as naturally to me as it does to my friend.

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